The Secret to a Happy Marriage

Such power in one tiny word. The secret to “A” happy marriage. That “A” implies I have all the answers, know all the preventatives for broken marriages. How arrogant of me.

I only believe I know what has worked for one. The only recipe I can write about is the one which has lasted 35 years in my own home. 35 years this past week.

In my mind, we set out on this journey long before marriage. Six years before. Back in the days of constant bliss when we were together and aching when we were apart, I thought we should be together every day of our lives for evermore. Thank God Jim didn’t. He had always wanted to go to Alaska to work, and it didn’t involve me. He did seasonal work March through November for three years, which left me to my own devices. I spread my wings. We had been adventurous together, but this forced me to become adventurous on my own (http://he-never-said-he-was-a-killer). I took the challenge. It was the single best thing we, I, ever did. We unwittingly created a way to be happy and satisfied together for the years to come and not want for more. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. All the many years of adventures since then have all been gifts from God.

As a result, I have recommended my students get out of the box that is our town and southern Illinois and experience the world; become independent in ways they would never dream. While I love our little rural, backwoods existence, I came back after several years by choice. I encourage them to go have adventures and only come back if it is their choice. Choose to live the life they want, choose when to have children, choose a career, not live life accidentally and have later regrets. There is a difference between microplanning a life and making choices. I’m talking living spontaneously while making good choices on the big things. The secret to a great life. The secret to a great marriage. Mine, anyway.

That, and probably the fact it rained on our outdoor wedding day (the sun did make an appearance 30 minutes prior to and during the service). I thought it was a bad sign. Oh, and when we heard a sweet old gentleman sing an old-timey acapella hymn at my mother’s country church on Easter a few months before our wedding, Jim was so touched he insisted we have him sing at the wedding. When the gentleman was asked, he didn’t think we would want him to sing the same song. He suggested he sing a different one. Again, Jim insisted it be the same beautifully touching song he sang from the depths of his heart. It wasn’t until after the wedding we realized he sang about thirty pieces of silver, the price Judas Iscariot received for betraying Jesus! Was that another bad sign? So yeah, independence, adventure, good choices on the big things, rainy day outdoor weddings, faith in God, songs of betrayal: that’s my recipe for a happy marriage. MY happy marriage.

(After I published this, I realized I didn’t even mention love or mutual respect! I suppose because they were innate things we didn’t have to think twice about. I was thinking about the more unusual, like the song at our wedding!)