Roasted Like Corn on the Cob
I’ve decided to take a break this week. This is the second day of my retirement and I thought I would let someone else rack their brain for something to write. I didn’t have far to look, because my sister roasted me this week at a retirement party honoring the three retiring teachers in our district. She underestimates her writing and speaking skills, but she had the room of approximately 50 people laughing the entire time. I stole the speech so I could highlight her. That, and I am a sucker for self-deprecating humor.
“As many of you know, Carla and I are sisters, and contrary to what she always tells people, she is the oldest by 4 yrs. So in a sense, she started her teaching career at the age of 4, and I was her first student. One of my first big words was washrag. That’s right, she dangled a washrag in my face until I could halfway say the word . . . RORSHWAG! I ended up spending a year in a speech therapy class to relearn words containing “R’s” and “W’s”. THANKS, SISSY!
When Mr. Jerrell [Superintendent] asked me to speak about Carla, a few stories quickly came to mind. Like when Carla first started her teaching career at CMSF, she was a science teacher and our rooms were next door to each other. After one particularly bad day, she was airing her complaints to Gene Hargrave, Sharon Rodocker [teachers] and myself. Gene told her that he would kick a trash can on some of his worst days to let off steam. Then he proceeded to drag his “full” trash can out into the hallway for Carla to kick. . . .and kick it, she did. I don’t think Gene actually meant for Carla to kick the trash can, but he soon learned to never underestimate Carla. I think she went home with a couple of broken toes that day.
Then there’s the story of Carla’s fight to eat healthy. Some of you might remember her pork rind addition. This was the period of time when she ate NOTHING but pork rinds for every single meal (2 yrs). I’m sure many around the lunchroom table wondered about this peculiar addiction but chalked it up to “Carla just being Carla”.
This year we found Carla’s fondness for the intercom system. When Carla used the intercom some faculty, staff, and administration might have referred to it as “nails on a chalkboard”, but I lovingly referred to it as “Howard Wolowitz’s mother” from The Big Bang Theory. On one occasion, Carla was not happy that there wasn’t any paper for the printer. After sending students to the office, basement, and teachers workroom to find paper, to no avail, we hear, BRIAN WALKER [custodian], PLEASE BRING PAPER TO THE UPSTAIRS COMPUTER LAB”. Suddenly, Mr. Jerrell announces (directly to Mrs. Kirkland) that he is aware there is no paper in the building and that Brian would be bringing some from the grade school, as soon as he could.
Another time, Carla just couldn’t get people to understand that she was trying to help students print scholarship applications on school letterhead. We hear a very nice and polite “Please refrain from using the upstairs printer. I have school letterhead loaded and am trying to print off scholarship applications”. A few minutes later we hear Mrs. Wolowitz, “P L E A S E!!! No one use the printer until I get this job done!” 2 minutes later, “PLEASE STOP USING THE PRINTER”! This went on for what seemed like a good 20 minutes. Eventually, Mr. Jerrell took her letterhead and printed the applications off for her. THANK YOU, MR. JERRELL!
Carla went through several professions before she found her love of teaching. Her first career choice was to be a mermaid, practicing by gliding from one end of the tub to the other. But after hearing many of her previous and current students thank her for believing in them, when they didn’t even believe in themselves, I think she made the right choice by hanging up her tail fins. THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE BECAUSE YOU CARED!!!
Thank you for your dedication and love of teaching. You will be missed. I LOVE YOU, SISSY!
